# 101 TORPE LOVE

Too young to become victims of looooove.

# 100 AIN'T NO CRYING SHAME

Tatlong Baraha was shown last night in a local cable channel.

I confess, I was entertained. However, I was trying to reconcile the thought of putting the Wild West in the fields of Philippine cogon and I must say that it requires a lot of suspension of disbelief. I know. It's just a movie but you really have to stretch your imagination on this one.

Samurai flicks somehow have some measure of historical accuracy. The American wild West is a staple in American culture. They got Texas, Clint Eastwood and one of my favorite actors Charles Bronson but what I really can't understand in Tatlong Baraha was that they have one of the good guys dressed like an American Indian who also looks like an American Indian named Geronimo. And he's Filipino. Matatas pa mag-Tagalog!

Okay, a lot of people have said that Filipino movies in the 70s and early 80s were good and Tatlong Baraha belongs to that era. So I'm dishing out the good points:

Good points:

1. The dialogue was seemless Tagalog/ Filipino. It doesn't sound "makata" but rather it reminds you of how gentle it can sound. It's nostalgic and it's like hearing the good old days. But there were some instances where English expressions were present like "Wow" and "Mister" which isn't bad either. Heck, Blade of the Immortal has punk expressions.
   
   
2. I got to hand it to the guys who have thought of the costumes. Leon Guerrero wears a Zorro-inspired get-up. Julio Valiente has a salakot to go with his all-white apparel and you got Geronimo wearing the classic American Indian jacket with bantings. They're all sharp-shooters and they can't be hit by bullets.
   
   
3. Simple plot with a twist. The movie doesn't require much thinking and you can easily predict where's its going to lead to.
   
   
4. Action scenes that shout: Action Star! Before the Matrix, there was Tatlong Baraha against a hundred gun slingers wearing Mexican hats. Then there's the non-refillable bullet catridge. They never ran out of bullets. And there's also the somersault while firing a gun. This is the pre-cursor to Chow Yun Fat.
   
   
5. You got the classic rogues' gallery of actors. There's Pacquito Diaz and Dick Israel who would make you think that you shouldn't trust guys wearing a moustache. I'm just wondering why they didn't cast Bomber Moran (oh, they did cast him).
   
   
6. Confession of love. There's the Harana scene that becomes a doo-doo-a-daa-daa when the trio were almost caught by the alcalde when they were about to serenade his three delicious daughters. Oh, yeah which leads to the next point...
   
   
7. Leading ladies in pekpek shorts with fuck-me boots to become a perfect combination. Yes, yes. I have to include this.
   

Not-so-bad points:

1. If movies mirror our society then we must be inside a fun house. I can't pinpoint where at any point in our history we had a piece of the Wild West. I can only think of Mexico in Pampanga.
   
   
2. There was this fight scene where the trio were all saddled on one horse AND none of them got hit BUT it didn't look right either.
   
   
3. A cliff hanger of an ending. The last scene shows how the troika escaped and how reinforcements came at the last minute. Reminds me of the usual scenario where the police would come in late.

The formula was okay but it never developed into something bigger. A few decades later, we'd see Lito Lapid do a remake of the movie entitled with son Mark and that hot tv actress Tanya Garcia who probably got pregnant after that movie.

# 99 BOURDAIN'S HERE

and he's not doing BALUT.

I'm a huge fan of the show. Bourdain is a great writer and he tells his story very well. And he tells it as it is. No bullshit. I just hope that he doesn't run into people who would ask stupid questions like: "How do you like the Philippines so far?" or the Quinito Henson question: "What's your message to your fans in the Philippines?".

I mean, it sounds like we have to get justification from outsiders to feel good about ourselves which I find selfish and it's putting Bourdain or any other guest on the spot.

I think Bourdain won't offer a patronizing answer so let's just welcome him and treat him as a guest and don't show too much of that slave-like hospitality (you know, that part where we offer even our bed to the guest and sleep on the floor).

It's misplaced.

It's enough that he's here and nobody should complain IF he says...
... poverty is almost everywhere.
... the traffic is terrible.
... the streets are dirty.
... the food tastes good BUT it lacks presentation.

It's his opinion and if you don't like what he says then just skip it or leave. We have a lot of problems and wasting our time beating our chests and drumming up protests over some Desperate Housewives and Harry & Paul just show where our priorities are.

Let's do something about poverty, crime, hunger, jobs, corruption, governance, and all those IMPORTANT stuff. Also to those protests that were launched, let's just keep in mind the apology we got from the BBC: “It in no way represents real people and was never intended to offend or demean any viewer."

When I was a kid, I laughed at the staple cast: 5-6 "Bumbays" and friendly "Intsik" tinderos that I saw in local TV.

Does that make me racist? No. The people behind those shows, were they racist? No.

Was I entertained? Certainly.

Oh, I also enjoyed watching Austin Powers and his bad teeth, listening to Kerpal threatening some lady for kicking his dog, seeing a white man with a local exotic beauty, and being inside a bus full of people who smell like onions.

And those people who smelled like onions must be onion-skinned. It could be us with the way we've been reacting.

Stereotypes do make a funny act.

Some of us just love criticizing our own people but when a foreigner points out the same thing, we call him or her RACIST. Balat-sibuyas masyado.

In the end, let's just laugh it off and go our way in solving bigger problems like, again: poverty, crime, hunger, jobs, corruption, governance, and all those IMPORTANT stuff.

Or if we want to get even with those snotty Brits, let's make a show that makes fun of them in Codename: Asero or Eh Kasi Bata.

Madaming paraan at laging tandaan ang pikon LAGING talo.